In each episode of Out of My Mind, one person talks to journalist Adam Dudding about their life, and the view from inside their head. These first-person dispatches from the front lines of mental health are moving, yet also full of moments of surprise, tenderness and humour. There are seven episodes. Two are available now and the following five will be released each Monday.
Trailer: Out of My Mind
Coming soon: Stuff’s new podcast Out of My Mind is a series of true stories about mental health, told by the people who’ve been there.
1: Angels and Demons
- Egan Bidois
I remember the doctor saying to my parents: ‘Your son Egan? He’s not coming home. He’s completely untreatable.’ And I remember the look in my parents’ eyes: it was the look of someone’s hope dying.
2: The paroxetine diaries
- Ashleigh Young
I’ve tried a lot of things: Meditation. Hot yoga. Cycling. Saunas. Cold showers. More sleep. Less sleep. Acupuncture. Therapy. I tried giving up caffeine and it was awful! I believe in the power of a cup of tea.
3: Crossing the lines
- Monday August 19
3: Crossing the lines
- “Hanna Smith”
That damned voice was going round in my head: ‘Why can’t you do this? Other mothers manage to defrost chicken without burning down the house. And sure, they get angry at their kids but they don’t lash out.’
4: Fight or flight
- Monday August 26
4: Fight or flight
- Jami-Lee Ross
We put ourselves in glossy brochures, looking the perfect picture of what we want the public to believe we are. It wasn’t until it all exploded that I realised what was going on in my head.
5: Another realm
- Monday September 2
5: Another realm
- Karlo Mila
When my father arrived his face morphed into something devil-like. People that I loved shape-shifted right in front of me. And you can’t stop it just because you don’t believe it’s true.
6: Harvey Milk and the dinosaurs
- Monday September 9
6: Harvey Milk and the dinosaurs
- Andy Cawston
The Foreign Legion parachute out of aeroplanes, fight wars and slither through jungles, and for some people that might have some appeal. But for me it was an opportunity to reboot and start again.
7: Barbed wire
- Monday September 16
7: Barbed wire
- Taimi Allan
One place was like the best Betty Ford Clinic – all tempura fish and espressos and people walking around with floaty scarves. And then there was the other extreme, with padded walls and barbed-wire fences.
Credits
This podcast was made with support from a Like Minds Like Mine grant from the Mental Health Foundation.
presenter/producer
Adam Dudding
Editorial adviser
Eugene Bingham
Photographers
David White and David Unwin
Interactive designer
Sungmi Kim
Art/animations
Jemma Cheer
Executive producers
Carol Hirschfeld and Keith Lynch
Projects Director
John Hartevelt
Sound Engineer
Alex Chalcoff at Department of Post
Music
Audio Network
where to get help
Lifeline
Depression NZ
Suicide Crisis Helpline
Youthline
Kidsline
The Lowdown
Supporting Families
Even as a child, EGAN BIDOIS sees and hears unusual things, but when the visions become intolerable, his life changes forever.
“HANNA” thinks she’s coping with a second baby, but hormonal swings, life stresses and past trauma push her to the brink of catastrophe.
Senior politician JAMI-LEE ROSS’s breakdown played out in the glare of constant media attention. He walks through his year from hell.
KARLO MILA is overcome by terrifying visions while visiting Tonga. Years later, she starts to question what was really going on as her reality fractured. (More about Karlo’s writing here.)
ANDY CAWSTON decides that abandoning his family to take up arms abroad will solve all his problems. But the answers actually lie much closer to home.
In her 20s, TAIMI ALLAN is told she faces a life of institutionalisation and crippling psychiatric drugs. It takes a long time for her realise that isn’t true. More about Taimi’s NGO, Changing Minds, here.
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